I'm Here, I Promise (like you even care)

I've taken a brief hiatus from the blog, as you can see, due to temporarily increased workload, and this nagging illness that will NOT go away. I thought I was hitting the end of it, but now I'm not so sure I was. I'm hoping that I am at the end of it now, though. I should probably be home in bed, but I must perservere.

I've been taking care of the baron's pups, and hopefully I'm completely my duties ok. And other than a brief and (from where I stand now, perceived) moment of tension yesterday, the dogs and I are getting along quite well. I'm also a bit sad for this chore to end, but I'm sure their parents will let me visit some.

In other news, Spike's eye is much much better. Which reminds me I need to make a note of when I need to take him back to the vet. Maybe Dec. 27. He got his second (?) distemper shot and his rabies shot on Saturday, too, which wasn't fun for me, him, or the bank account. But at least they aren't constant things. And maybe after one or two more times I'll be able to avoid the vet for a while. I need to take Shelby though, and had I thought about it, or been able, I would have taken him yesterday, but now I'm getting their schedules all disjointed. oh well.

let's see. oh, my friends who were having all their troubles? well, the wife wasn't speaking to me last week, but she seems to be over that now. They were both at my house last night--they were in the neighborhood and Jack needed some studying help, so I walked in the door and man a wall of awkward hit me like no other. I'm not exactly sure where it came from, but I'm pretty sure it orginated from me. First, I was sort of trapped, as I couldn't really be upstairs (the study area) or downstairs, as the husband of the aforementioned wife was enjoying my husband's video games. And you know what else? I had absolutely nothing to say to anyone. Really. I couldn't even figure out one real sentence. So I sort of bounced around the house awkwardly until they left. I think it just goes to show that I really am done.

See, I thought maybe my anger and irritation would wear off, but here it's been a few weeks now, and it's still hanging around. And I thought that maybe when I saw them, I'd conveniently forget about it, and things would be normal. Well. So much for that idea. It's doubtful I can ever really be normal around them again. So much has been said and done, and still, I'm the one who got the short end of the stick. As it turns out, I'm the casualty. I've lost two friends because she, the wife, couldn't keep her mouth shut or if not that, then follow through like a grown up. To be honest, I don't know how she can look me in the eye. Although, come to think of it, I haven't given her the chance. I don't know how she can show her face to me, and act like everything is perfect. I'm not sure I can hide my feelings everytime she says how wonderful he is, or tells him how perfect or beautiful or sweet he is. It makes me gag. It disgusts me.

Right, so you've probably heard this all before, but for me, this is shocking. Because I'm usually a forgive and forget, benefit of the doubt sort of person. At the very least, I was too good at hiding my feelings. It seems that age has changed me. I'm glad of it, too. I'm moving on to bigger and better things, and I'm leaving all the ignorance behind me. If you can't man up and act like an adult, then I don't have time for you. Was that harsh? I don't know. I'm not saying I won't be sympathetic, but there's a point at which my sympathy will turn into disrespect apparently. I'm sorry you got a raw deal, but you need to find the courage and the power to face it and fix it. Don't crap on me. I'm not a sewage treatment plant. I can't just filter the shit and spit out clean water. It stays with me. It hurts me. It damages my faith in humanity. And it makes me question my own judgement. All those times I laughed things off, excused behaviors. I was wrong. Lucky for me, I'm not married to either one of them. I know the responsibility isn't mine, but I still feel some of it.

Whatever. Obviously this is still sort of raw. It's like I sit around with my mouth held open in confused suprise. Like, really? Seriously, you're going to do this to me, and then just leave me here, all alone? You can seriously pretend (do you believe) that everything is fine, back to normal, never really happened? I mean, it's not so bad as being abused by a jerk of a husband, but if you don't care, then why should I?

I'm stunned people. Stunned.