Year End's Reflections.

And what a year it has been.  As I sit here on this blustery eve of the New Year, I have many things to reflect on.  Much has happened, some bad, most good.  I'm not about to go in chronological order here, as I don't have that kind of ability.  Just some random statements and thoughts to get a general idea.

The year, as I remember it (and I'm not know for great recall) came in quietly.  These last 12 months have seen the loss of thirty pounds (I could have done better, but sometimes life gets in the way); we tore out our old kitchen and put in a new one (that is not quite finished, but is still one thousand times better than it's predecessor); our first anniversary passed quietly but happily and we're settling into the routine of married life and home ownership. 

Our summer vacations were spent at weddings and we wish our friends and our family the happiness and contentment that we have found.  New babies have arrived, and new ones are on the way.  Congratulations to all of you.

We lost a beloved family member, who is sorely missed and added 2 kittens to our own family.  

Friendships have warmed and others have cooled.  For this cooling I am sad, but this is how things go.  

And how could I even begin to forget the new chapter in our country's history.  For the first time in 8 years (and my political coming of age, so to speak) I have true hope that our new president will make a difference.  For the first time since I've really cared, I've watched Obama and felt hopeful, excited, and happy that the person I voted for was elected.  It will be a hard year, perhaps a very difficult 4 years.  But if nothing else, it shows the country and the world that maybe we Americans really do have some brains among us.  Please forgive me if I offend, but W didn't do much for me.  Or anyone else as I can see it.

So.  As this new year approaches, so suddenly I can hardly believe it, I am making plans.  Well, more like solidifying plans.  I plan no drastic resolutions, as they always fail.  Instead I want to work toward things already in place.  Basically, getting back on track, with house, with life, with getting healthier and moving forward.  There is much in the way of improvements to be made, but nothing out of reach.  

In this new year I will refocus my efforts on myself and my physical and mental health.  I've learned a rather hard lesson (in my opinion) of drawing lines with friends in the past few months, and I'm taking this lesson to heart.  It's no one person's fault as I see it, but just many small mistakes along the way.  I will work better to be honest and to be a support, but I will not take the burden on as my own.  And the only way to do this is to be firm in the drawing of said lines.  

I will concentrate on eating better and exercising more and more consistently.  

Although I am very happy in our marriage, I think more time can be made for us and we will get back to our nightly dinners and making time to do things together that are not specifically house related.   

I am also learning how to budget and trying to figure out how we have plenty of money on paper but none in the bank.  This is something that can be handled rather easily with a little discipline (something we both are lacking!)

And that, my friends, is what I have to say about that.  The future is bright and the past is quickly fading into fond memories.  

No Bows This Year.

Something you may or may not know about me is that I find joy, and perhaps even take pride in, wrapping presents.  Especially Christmas presents.  I like to find the right paper.  Something at least somewhat elegant and sophisticated (like, not polar bears wrapped in scarves skiing while holding presents and grinning like idiots), and I like to use bows and ribbons to make them look unique.  Or at least nice.  How unique can it really be.  It often involves a theme and purposefully chosen colors (this year it is silver and red).  I even like the gift tags to match although in the interest of saving a few dollars this year, I got the crappy stick on tags.  But whatever.

The point is that tonight I began adding ribbons and bows to the recently wrapped presents under the tree.  I knew that perhaps this would not work so well, what with having young, curious kittens around, but I did it anyway.  And it was short lived.  The damage isn't too severe, yet.  But as I was sitting here watching tv, Spike no so carefully approached a gift.  It had a simple red stick on bow on it.  He bit it lightly.  I looked at him and said, "NO!" in a firm voice.  Cats though, are not like dogs and so he just turned to look at me, as if it was a dare, turned back to the box, grabbed the bow, and plucked it right off the box.  He carried perhaps 6 inches a way and proceeded to dismantle it.

He has abandoned it already, and is participating in some "matrix shit," as Jack likes to say, with his brother.

In the interest of housework, and time, and my box of bows and ribbons I just bought for 9.99, there will be no bows this year.

Thirsty.

Everyone in my house is suffering from extreme thirst. Well, I am anyway. See, it's nearly impossible to sip on a glass of water (or anything else, really) when the cats are around. I have to stand at the kitchen counter and drink it all at once, or I have to travel constantly back to some place the cats can't reach, or I have to trap them in a room (or myself in a room) to enjoy a leisurely drink of water. I say water because this is basically all that I drink. Anytime they see a cup, they stick their heads in, and start drinking. I guess some people might not mind but I'll be damned if I drink out of a glass or cup that has had a cat tongue lapping at it for minutes.

I think that the kittens drink a lot of water because they only eat dry food. It is what "they" say happens. This is fine. I even bought them a small dog bowl for water because even the largest cat bowl wasn't doing it. Still, they are after my water. If I hold it over my head, they will climb my arm. If I move it around, they will follow it wherever I put it. They are not to be distracted. It is ridiculous. They are obsessed.

It started when we first got them--they drank out of a red cup. How cute, we thought. I didn't really think that it would be an obsessive sort of thing with them, but that first cup started it in motion I think. Although even if I had tried to put a stop to it then I don't think it would have done much.

The biggest concern I have regarding this fetish of theirs is that at some point, their heads will get stuck. See below:

Struggling

Ok people. As it turns out, I think I'm Really Sick. Like, flu sick. I'm not having any vomitting issues, but I feel the fever come and go, and I am tiring VERY easily. Sure, I feel great after a nap, but a few hours (if that) later, I can barely hold my head up. This is how I am right now. I woke up this morning feeling better than I have in days. In over a week even. I came to work and I've told everyone how I'm feeling "much better, thank you." I wish now that I could take it all back. My eyes are burning, I feel wobbly and I want to cry and fall asleep. My boss thinks I need to take more time. But I feel stupid coming in and leaving early and staying home and blahblahblah. It's like, make up your mind.

I have things to do though. I can't just leave right now. Ok. I probably could, but pride is preventing me. I'm going to power through the day. Maybe if I eat something I will feel better. We will see after lunch. Maybe if I feel comfortable about it, I will stay home tomorrow, planned, and sleep as long as I can. Because this really is the pits.

I know I had something else to say, but I have no idea what it might have been at this point.

I'm going to feed myself and see if that helps this horribly drained feeling at all.

I'm Here, I Promise (like you even care)

I've taken a brief hiatus from the blog, as you can see, due to temporarily increased workload, and this nagging illness that will NOT go away. I thought I was hitting the end of it, but now I'm not so sure I was. I'm hoping that I am at the end of it now, though. I should probably be home in bed, but I must perservere.

I've been taking care of the baron's pups, and hopefully I'm completely my duties ok. And other than a brief and (from where I stand now, perceived) moment of tension yesterday, the dogs and I are getting along quite well. I'm also a bit sad for this chore to end, but I'm sure their parents will let me visit some.

In other news, Spike's eye is much much better. Which reminds me I need to make a note of when I need to take him back to the vet. Maybe Dec. 27. He got his second (?) distemper shot and his rabies shot on Saturday, too, which wasn't fun for me, him, or the bank account. But at least they aren't constant things. And maybe after one or two more times I'll be able to avoid the vet for a while. I need to take Shelby though, and had I thought about it, or been able, I would have taken him yesterday, but now I'm getting their schedules all disjointed. oh well.

let's see. oh, my friends who were having all their troubles? well, the wife wasn't speaking to me last week, but she seems to be over that now. They were both at my house last night--they were in the neighborhood and Jack needed some studying help, so I walked in the door and man a wall of awkward hit me like no other. I'm not exactly sure where it came from, but I'm pretty sure it orginated from me. First, I was sort of trapped, as I couldn't really be upstairs (the study area) or downstairs, as the husband of the aforementioned wife was enjoying my husband's video games. And you know what else? I had absolutely nothing to say to anyone. Really. I couldn't even figure out one real sentence. So I sort of bounced around the house awkwardly until they left. I think it just goes to show that I really am done.

See, I thought maybe my anger and irritation would wear off, but here it's been a few weeks now, and it's still hanging around. And I thought that maybe when I saw them, I'd conveniently forget about it, and things would be normal. Well. So much for that idea. It's doubtful I can ever really be normal around them again. So much has been said and done, and still, I'm the one who got the short end of the stick. As it turns out, I'm the casualty. I've lost two friends because she, the wife, couldn't keep her mouth shut or if not that, then follow through like a grown up. To be honest, I don't know how she can look me in the eye. Although, come to think of it, I haven't given her the chance. I don't know how she can show her face to me, and act like everything is perfect. I'm not sure I can hide my feelings everytime she says how wonderful he is, or tells him how perfect or beautiful or sweet he is. It makes me gag. It disgusts me.

Right, so you've probably heard this all before, but for me, this is shocking. Because I'm usually a forgive and forget, benefit of the doubt sort of person. At the very least, I was too good at hiding my feelings. It seems that age has changed me. I'm glad of it, too. I'm moving on to bigger and better things, and I'm leaving all the ignorance behind me. If you can't man up and act like an adult, then I don't have time for you. Was that harsh? I don't know. I'm not saying I won't be sympathetic, but there's a point at which my sympathy will turn into disrespect apparently. I'm sorry you got a raw deal, but you need to find the courage and the power to face it and fix it. Don't crap on me. I'm not a sewage treatment plant. I can't just filter the shit and spit out clean water. It stays with me. It hurts me. It damages my faith in humanity. And it makes me question my own judgement. All those times I laughed things off, excused behaviors. I was wrong. Lucky for me, I'm not married to either one of them. I know the responsibility isn't mine, but I still feel some of it.

Whatever. Obviously this is still sort of raw. It's like I sit around with my mouth held open in confused suprise. Like, really? Seriously, you're going to do this to me, and then just leave me here, all alone? You can seriously pretend (do you believe) that everything is fine, back to normal, never really happened? I mean, it's not so bad as being abused by a jerk of a husband, but if you don't care, then why should I?

I'm stunned people. Stunned.

Meh

So.

It's Friday. I feel like crap, and I'm tired. Actually, I woke up feeling pretty good, and energetic, but that has gone now, and I can barely function. If I didn't have important work to do, I'd be going home. Bleh.


Ok. I'm trying to get my brain to function. I'm sure nothing I say here will be of any real interest, but maybe there will be some diamond in the rough.


I feel ok because we have money again, although as soon as it arrives it departs. It's like a visitor you're really excited to have, and then the visitor comes, and you're so excited to spend so much time with that person, but as it turns out, you're "friend" the visitor really just wanted a place to crash for the night. And since my bank account isn't even letting me SEE this friend, well, it's more like this friend no only plans to ditch me in a day, but walked into my house shut the bedroom door and won't come out. And by the time I can get in, she (or he) will be gone. Oh well. I'll take what I can get I guess.


In other friend news, I haven't heard from a particular friend all week. Which is unusual. I emailed her Monday, and nothing. Usually she's pretty good about responding, and I know she's been in her email several times throughout the week. My paranoia says that she's pissed at me because I didn't go and see her Saturday. My more rational side says that doesn't really sound like her, but she can be sort of unpredictable, so who knows. I emailed her again today just to give her the benefit of the doubt, say hi, and we'll see. I won't be emailing her again. Ball is in her court.


Jack got a 95 on his last math test, so yay for that. He's going to pass it, and then he'll be almost done with school!!!


Spike's eye is getting much better, it seems. You can actually see his pupil and stuff instead of just the cloudiness in the left eye, and the right eye looks pretty much normal. We're going to the vet tomorrow for a check up. Here's hoping that we won't have to go back for a little bit.

Really, that's all I've got. I'm going to make some peppermint snowball cookies tonight I think. Jack is out to his office holiday party, so I'm going to rest at home and have a quiet evening that I'm very much looking forward to.

Boo, Tuesday

Can you see a theme here? Boo on this week. It could be worse for sure, but I feel like griping. See, I'm cold. I'm sick. I'm poor. And my kitchen is a wreck because I'm lazy. And I forgot to take meat out of the freezer so there might not be dinner tonight. Although I do have sausage and pancakes if it comes to that.

I got Quicken 2007 for Mac yesterday. I'm trying to use it, but I suck at using it, it seems, so I spent a few hours last night being frustrated by that. I guess I just have to keep working on it and eventually it will make sense. I just need to rig it up the right way, and it should do what I need it to do, which is show us, in pie chart form, where all our money is going, and how irresponsible we really are.

I would really like to go home, and I may in fact do that later, depending on what my workload is like. Stupid being sick.

This morning I had a war with the poor kittens. I let them out briefly so that I could feed them and water them, and eye drop Spike. They were running around like crazy things, but I finally caught both of them and took them to their room, I set them on the bed, and the leaf sucking truck was right outside the window, which scared the living daylights out of them, and off they went. I was tempted to leave them out, but decided against it.

I'm making no sense, so I'm going to go now.

Boo, Monday.

Monday is not my friend. Never has been, doubtful it ever will be. Today I am tired, groggy and freezing my toes off. I had this dream, where I had something really warm AND work appropriate to wear, but I never got to work because my idiot neighbor who is old and REALLY annoying wanted a ride to his job. Apparently, he was senile and couldn't remember where he worked.


When I woke up this morning, I was excited to have something really warm to wear. And then I realized I wasn't quite that lucky. Oh well. But still, I'm freezing. Dad says wear warmer shoes. To that I say, "Then buy me some!"

Anyway, Monday. I'm getting sick, my bank account is empty, and I'm freezing.

AND, I just read an article about a 70 year old worman who just gave birth to a baby, having used IVF, followed by an article about the risks of delaying motherhood. I'm really not a fan of the part where it says that fertility decreases by 30. They say, too, that women put too much faith in IVF. Also, I was talking to my dad, and we were talking about teenaged drivers, and I said he could teach my kids (after all, he teaches 18 year olds how to drive fire trucks), but as it turns out, assuming I had children right now, he'd be well into his seventies. What?? I told him I didn't want to talk about my kids being 16. I haven't quite adjusted to the fact that I'm not 16.

Where does time go? And do I really need to hop on the baby train so soon? Is it really getting to be that time? And how do I convince my husband of this? Wait. How do I convince myself?

Ok. Maybe this is a bit of an over-reaction. I've still got almost two years until I'm 30. But still, all of this talk about advanced maternal age and stuff is rather frightening. And so, what if I wait until I'm 30, and then find out something is wrong, and get set back even more? Bleh. See the kinds of things I obsess over?

Anyway, I hate Mondays.

A Game.

We're gonna try something here.  A little game of sorts.  Maybe it'll be fun, maybe not.  Let's give it a try though.

Grab the book nearest you right now.  Not your favorite book, the coolest book, whatever.  The one that is closest to you as you read this.  

Go to page 56, find the 5th sentence, and post it as a comment.

I'll start.  

"So you'll come over when I'm home, though, right?"

and, GO!

Cookie Success

Last night, I made russian tea cakes (also know, I think, as mexican wedding cookies). They're really simple to make. I'm not the biggest fan of them, but I hear they are good, so that's enough for me. I didn't burn them, although they did get a little brown. The recipe says not to let them brown, but the bottoms, well, they browned a little. They are so covered in powdered sugar that you'd never know, so that'll be our little secret. ha.

Also, I decided to whip up some chocolate chip cookie dough, and try to redeem myself. I only made one tray of them, and will save the dough for tonight maybe. I cooked them at 350 instead of 375, and guess what! They turned out perfectly, just the way I wanted them.

I'm not a failure after all!

The Time to Hesitate is Through.

I'm recomitting people. Really recommitting. I feel it today. Whereas the last few times have sort of been half hearted, with the I'm-doing-this-because-I-should reasoning. I've gotten to where I want to get back on track. And I know I can do it. As I mentioned previously, I cancelled my online membership. Hopefully my hard copy materials will show up soon. Until then, I know what I need to do, and I'm going to do it. I'm also using this site: www.sparkpeople.com, which is helpful with the calorie counting, and free, so I'm headed back there, too.

Good News.

Spike is on the mend it seems. His right eye is almost all better, and his left, well, it's healing. The doctor said it is not holding the stain as much (the ulcerated part, that is) which is good news. She said sometimes these things just take time, and that quite often when she sees this in kittens, it clears up and only occasionally does it recur. So, there is some hope.

We're still on the drops for the left every hour (or as frequently as possible given the fact that both Jack and I work all day), and I'm to bring him back in a week. I may have to stretch this until Saturday next just because I'm not sure I can swing more taking off of work right now, especially if we're making forward progress.

So that's that.

Dreaming of Edward Cullen

"last night was the first night i dreamt of edward cullen "

me: lol

sister: im serious

me: i know

sister: i thought he was in the corner of my bed

sister: i had to turn on the light

My sister has started reading Twilight, and dreaming of Edward Cullen. To her, I say welcome. This is ridiculous really, and slightly embarassing as well. I too dreamed of Edward Cullen. In fact, I'm still dreaming of Edward Cullen, although my dreams have taken a much more sinister turn. I attribute these dreams to the basic inundation of all things Twilight. I read 4 books in 2 weeks, and saw the movie at the end of it all. Of course, since most of my free time, especially in the evenings, was spent reading the books, it's no wonder my sleeping hours are filled with images from the book worked into my life.

Listen, I know, again, that the target for Edward Cullen is your average 12-15 year old. I mean, he's only 17, and a vampire to boot. But we could tack on 10 more years to account for the fact that he's been "alive" for like, 100 years. Edward Cullen is not only beautiful, but he's smart, sweet, caring, and tortured. He's a girls dream come true.

Well.

Aside from the whole craving human blood thing.

That's just a minor detail though, considering all his other attributes. And Stephanie Meyer has done a great job in creating a character that speaks to girls of all ages, I think. And maybe, too, there's something in the purity of Edward's and Bella's love affair that takes us all back to a place that maybe we weren't ready to leave when we did.

It's just hard to get him out of your head. And if you are already dreaming of him, just you wait, sister. Because this is only the beginning. I should know. I've been there.

Santa Claus is Coming to Town.

In the form of a kitten.

See, last night, I was feeling sort of blah, and sort of restless. Jack got new mufflers, so he wanted to put those on. He said he was just wasting time sitting around, and it was a pretty easy job, especially with one of these, which makes working in the dark not so bad. I was vacillating between plopping myself on the sofa and watching the cats tear up my house or going to Target. Target is always tricky because it's rare that I leave the store with less than $100 in miscellaneous purchases, but Jack wanted some long underwear shirts, and we were down to the last roll of toilet paper. (Jack was very concerned about this fact, and dreamed up many scenarios where we might run into a toilet paper emergency if I didn't get some more immediately. I'll spare you the details.) So, basically, I had a good excuse.

I only spent $40. This was really amazing to me. I browsed for hours. Contemplated many items, but put most of them back. The didn't have the shirts Jack wanted, so I figured I had a little extra to spend on crap. I bought a tree skirt for $4.99, toilet paper, hair bands, powdered sugar for cookies to appease the baron, and a santa hat, and an elf costume for the cats. I was pretty sure this wouldn't work, but they were cute, and I was bored.

So, needless to say, it didn't work. I tried, and it was hilarious, but the cats weren't having it, and the things are sorta big for the cats anyway, seeing as how it was one size fits all (meaning adult cats, I'm sure). Mostly, they ate them, clawed at them, hid them. I put the elf collar on Spike and he flipped out. Really flipped out. Literally flipped out.

I managed to wrangle Spike long enough to get the hat on, and have Jack take a quick picture. It was no small feat, of that you can be certain.

Introducing...

Santaspike

Things.

Just a general what's going on with me post.



I cancelled my WW online subscription. I'm not using it, I'm still losing weight, and it's $16 a month I can spend on something else. I bought the books to have as reference, and I'm going to go it alone. I can always rejoin if I need or want to.



The kittens are doing well. I'm pretty sure Spike's left eye will be ruined for good, but you never know. He doesn't seem to be having too much trouble seeing things, and it's certainly not stopping him from clawing me when I try to get him out of the tree.



I've started my Christmas shopping. Mom is done, and Jack is almost done. I still have $18 to spend on him, so if you have any suggestions, please pass them on. I've got several other people to shop for, and it's going to be difficult. The problem is that everyone I know already has everything, especially everything that fits into my budget. But it's the thought that counts, so I'm just going to find some thoughtful things for everyone. Of course, I was going to do some sewing, but that seems rather unlikely at this point. Anyway, I've got several people to buy for, of varying tastes and temperaments. Any suggestions are appreciated.

I was going to try to redeem my cookie skills last night, but Jack said not until some of the already made cookies are gone. "You are making them faster than I can eat them," is what he specifically said. I told him to just eat faster. I might sneak some in tonight! Ha.

Other than that, not much. Vet tomorrow at 5 for Spike.

Cookie Failure.

Luckily, my ability to be a good wife, friend, daughter, employee, etc., is not measured by my baking skills. Saturday, I was messing around the house, and I decided it was time to start the holiday baking. I thought I'd start with standard chocolate chip as these are pretty straight forward, everyone likes them, and they are hard to mess up.

Well.

I messed up. I'm not exactly sure where I went wrong, though I have my theories. The strongest of which is that my dark pan called for a lower temperature. I didn't realize this until I made about 60 cookies in all. Almost all ruined. Flat little things with super crispy edges. Really, I hear they taste just fine, but they look AWFUL. I should have taken a picture but it's too embarrassing, and I didn't feel like expending any more effort on the horrible cookies. I had visions of plump fluffy cookies sitting on a nice platter on my dining room table. Instead, I have 60 cookies shoved into a Ziploc sitting on the counter out of site, but still accessible by Jack (who has no qualms about eating them). I guess if I had half of a brain, before loading up the cookie sheets 4 or 6 times, I would have done some experimenting, but I did not. See, sometimes I get stubborn, and try to force things.

So, after I ruined those, I moved on to snicker doodles. Easy to prepare, pretty straight forward. They turned into flat rocks. I can barely bite into them. Again with the oven temperature, probably. My father says they'd be good in coffee. I'm thinking they'll be good in the trash.

Not all hope is lost though. I made gingerbread cookies yesterday (although the dough was pre-made) and I put them on a lower temperature, and they turned out just lovely. So, I guess there's the possibility that I suck at cookie dough? Or maybe my flour is bad or something? I'm going to try the chocolate chip cookies again, this time with the lower temperature, and see how we fare.

Until then, everyone will be able to enjoy the experience of my burnt cookies and broken teeth!

Twilight, again

I really didn't think I'd fall prey to an obsession like this. I don't really get that into too many things. I get bored easily, and my attention span sucks. That being said, I love the Twilight series. I've finished all 4 books. On Thursday, we saw the movie.

Regarding the movie, I have some issues about it. I'll leave out specifics until everyone who reads this blog, and who wants to read the books has finished with them.

Generally though, the casting was mediocre. Probably because it was a small budget film and actors that are beautiful enough to be vampires have better things to do with their time. Also, the plot changed somewhat. Not enough to really ruin the integrity of the book, but it annoyed me. And then, there's the problem of trying to fit a 500 page novel into a 2 hour movie. There is just too much to squeeze in, and inevitably some of my favorite parts got cut. The special effects were blah bordering on cheesy. Having read a few articles about the making of the movie, the budget was also responsible for this. From what I can tell, there is some bitterness from the director and others involved regarding budget cuts etc. They weren't able to film where they wanted to, and they had to compromise on a lot of things, including effects because of the lack of money.

Hopefully for the next film, the budget will be bigger. There's no way they'll be able to do some of the things they need to do without really making it cheesy.