Self Loathing

I'm pretty much hating everything right now.

Everything being this stupid weather. Yes, yes, I'm glad for the beautiful weekend, but would a sunny Monday be the end of the world? I can't wake up. I feel groggy. It isn't lack of sleep, it isn't lack of activity, it isn't too much activity. It. Is. The. Weather.

Everything being my jaw. Seriously, I would just like to be able to eat what I please. You know, the whole being healthy thing, eating a sandwich, a salad, well, I'm doing that. And paying dearly for it. I guess I'll just eat soup and try not to starve. Because when I get to hungry, well, I just have a hard time avoiding munchy things. I guess mashed potatoes sans milk and butter will have to do. Maybe some eggs.

Everything being my ankle. I've apparently made it angry with the walking at the gym. I'm really getting into it. I am enjoying the walks. I'm all geared up for this week too. But I guess I should have been more serious about a brace for it. Now it is swollen and all weird. I'm limping. Bleh.

Everything being my lack of motivation to clean out my basement. Everything being not having a shed. Everything being the fact that I forgot to clean out my fridge and now I have 3 weeks worth of scariness staring me in the face. Everything being that my eyes are sucking and I need to go to the eye doctor. Everything being that DirectTV lied to me when they said I had paid through April 13 when I called them. Bullshit. That was total bullshit. I should have paid closer attention I guess. But still. Lying to me? I hate them, but lying is just wrong. Everything being that our stupid property taxes are going up up up, and we have to do all this stuff to try and get them to go down down down.

That's me today folks. Grumpy. Really grumpy. Fussy. Teary. Fed up.

Oh yeah, and there might be some pms thrown in there for good measure. ha.

I know how wonderful things are for me. I know that I could do many many things to make my problems better. I'm working on it. I just need a day.

Here's hoping.

The cats have been super pains in our asses for several days now. They go through these crazy phases of hyperactivity. For example, I'm not sure what they were doing but when I got home last night, they had managed to turn on the tv and tip over a not so small or dainty chair.


They've been running around nonstop since about 7pm, and it is now 10:30 pm. We tried this in the hopes of wearing them out (I would turn off your volume to avoid stupid commentary; the best part occurs at about 1:10):

Update: It worked. For about 20 minutes.

Hatred.

I don't know what it is, but there are just some things that make me so angry. Things I hear, read, see; things people tell me. And it just sends this anger coursing through me. The kind of anger that makes me want to punch a hole in a wall.

Most of it is really stupid, ignorant little stuff, and it probably stems from larger issues at hand. Believe me, I've given this a lot of detailed analysis.

It is just so suprising the ferocity with which it appears, and the utter disgust in which I find myself sitting.

It would be stupid, and doubly painful to recount what has led me here this afternoon, and probably wouldn't even make sense to anyone but me.

I've just lost patience. I find fault in the little things, as those are simpler to address than the big ones. I know what I'm doing.

In happier news, I found this today: Daily Lit. Kind of cool, and with hundreds of free titles, it portions your reading. So, I get RSS updates once a day, with a small piece of the title(s) I select. Good for me in that I like reading, and tend to get stuck in books, and don't have time right now to get stuck in books, and I can revisit some of the classics without hunting for my copy and/or buying a new one.