It would be nice to know though. There are things I might like to say, but I'm not sure that I should. Though, most of me really doesn't care anymore.
I have found, as I have gotten older, more mature, busier, what have you, that I don't have time for the bullshit. I really don't. I don't have the patience to smile and nod, and I don't have the energy to keep my mouth shut. I'm really down with honesty. Really down with it. Even if it means hearing things about myself that I don't want to hear. Chances are, I already know most of them, even if I don't tell you or talk about them.
I want full disclosure. I want you to have the guts to say that you don't like me, or that I'm overstepping my bounds, or that you don't want my advice. I want you to tell me that are sorry you asked my opinion, or that you're just plain sick of me, or that you think I'm full of shit.
Ok. So, I'm probably not going to email or walk up to someone and list out my reasons for not liking them, either. Though, at the same time, I'm fiending for the truth. I just don't want to give fuel to the fire, and I'm trying not to be unnecessarily confrontational. Maybe it's better to let things be when it comes to some people. The value of the relationship might not be worth the hassle. But don't sit in my home and purposely exclude me from things. Don't be short with me or ignore me without some explanation. Don't take it out on me that your life sucks. Don't use me up, lie to me, manipulate me, suck me dry and then take your leave.
The fact is, when it comes down to it, I don't need this kind of drama in my life. I know what's going on, and I'm not going to feed into it.
But here's a little truth for you: As much as I don't need it, as relieved as I am to be free of it, it still hurts.
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