I want to go to Hawaii

For some reason, Hawaii just popped into my head. I have visions of warm, sweet breezes, the sounds of the ocean outside of my open windows, maybe some thunder in the distance, and lush green and color surrounding me.

I've never been to Hawaii. Honestly, I don't imagine that I'll ever actually get there. I'm really feeling like running away right now. Most of you have an idea of why, and while I know it will all get better, it's just creating this low level anxiety that is like a constant annoying hum that won't go away.

I want to sit in my sewing room in my house in Hawaii with the doors and windows flung wide open and make beautiful things. See beautiful, smell beautiful, feel beautiful, taste beautiful.

I want to wear my flip flops all day, every day. That, people, would be a little slice of heaven for me.

I'm sure there is a certain amount of approaching-mid-February-in-Maryland angst going on here. Especially after 3 beautifully sunny and temperate days in a row. It was lovely to go to bed in a warm house with the spring time smell wafting in through the few open windows. The not quite being warm enough all day and night, and grey skies, and dirty cars are getting to me. It's not uncommon for me, and any native Marylander, and non-native for that matter, can relate to how I feel. It hasn't even been that cold for that long, we haven't even gotten one good snow storm but we're ready for spring. That's where I am. But with added intensity this time around.

I'm feeling trapped. I'm feeling pent up. I'm feeling like I want to scream loud enough for the entire neighborhood to hear.

Really, I'm happy. I'm satisfied. I love my life, my house, my husband, my friends, my cats. I'm more fortunate than many of my fellow Americans right now. I don't want to complain, really I don't.

It's just that I'm feeling particularly blah, and I can't quite shake it. I can fend it off. I even went a whole weekend without crying. I can distract myself. But I feel it building today. I think that if I could open up the windows in my house for more than 8 hours, and I could throw off the hot blankets, and if I needed my sunglasses more days than I didn't, I'd feel better.

At least it would be something until all this other stuff passes....