I'm starting something new

So, I sort of got away from the general life blogging, but I'm wanting to start it up again. I'm moving though, to http://homelifehappiness.wordpress.com/.

Maybe I'll have something interesting to say.

Self Loathing

I'm pretty much hating everything right now.

Everything being this stupid weather. Yes, yes, I'm glad for the beautiful weekend, but would a sunny Monday be the end of the world? I can't wake up. I feel groggy. It isn't lack of sleep, it isn't lack of activity, it isn't too much activity. It. Is. The. Weather.

Everything being my jaw. Seriously, I would just like to be able to eat what I please. You know, the whole being healthy thing, eating a sandwich, a salad, well, I'm doing that. And paying dearly for it. I guess I'll just eat soup and try not to starve. Because when I get to hungry, well, I just have a hard time avoiding munchy things. I guess mashed potatoes sans milk and butter will have to do. Maybe some eggs.

Everything being my ankle. I've apparently made it angry with the walking at the gym. I'm really getting into it. I am enjoying the walks. I'm all geared up for this week too. But I guess I should have been more serious about a brace for it. Now it is swollen and all weird. I'm limping. Bleh.

Everything being my lack of motivation to clean out my basement. Everything being not having a shed. Everything being the fact that I forgot to clean out my fridge and now I have 3 weeks worth of scariness staring me in the face. Everything being that my eyes are sucking and I need to go to the eye doctor. Everything being that DirectTV lied to me when they said I had paid through April 13 when I called them. Bullshit. That was total bullshit. I should have paid closer attention I guess. But still. Lying to me? I hate them, but lying is just wrong. Everything being that our stupid property taxes are going up up up, and we have to do all this stuff to try and get them to go down down down.

That's me today folks. Grumpy. Really grumpy. Fussy. Teary. Fed up.

Oh yeah, and there might be some pms thrown in there for good measure. ha.

I know how wonderful things are for me. I know that I could do many many things to make my problems better. I'm working on it. I just need a day.

Here's hoping.

The cats have been super pains in our asses for several days now. They go through these crazy phases of hyperactivity. For example, I'm not sure what they were doing but when I got home last night, they had managed to turn on the tv and tip over a not so small or dainty chair.


They've been running around nonstop since about 7pm, and it is now 10:30 pm. We tried this in the hopes of wearing them out (I would turn off your volume to avoid stupid commentary; the best part occurs at about 1:10):

Update: It worked. For about 20 minutes.

Hatred.

I don't know what it is, but there are just some things that make me so angry. Things I hear, read, see; things people tell me. And it just sends this anger coursing through me. The kind of anger that makes me want to punch a hole in a wall.

Most of it is really stupid, ignorant little stuff, and it probably stems from larger issues at hand. Believe me, I've given this a lot of detailed analysis.

It is just so suprising the ferocity with which it appears, and the utter disgust in which I find myself sitting.

It would be stupid, and doubly painful to recount what has led me here this afternoon, and probably wouldn't even make sense to anyone but me.

I've just lost patience. I find fault in the little things, as those are simpler to address than the big ones. I know what I'm doing.

In happier news, I found this today: Daily Lit. Kind of cool, and with hundreds of free titles, it portions your reading. So, I get RSS updates once a day, with a small piece of the title(s) I select. Good for me in that I like reading, and tend to get stuck in books, and don't have time right now to get stuck in books, and I can revisit some of the classics without hunting for my copy and/or buying a new one.

I miss my flip flops.

The hint of warm weather, the longer days, the advent of spring, the coming of Easter (even though I'm not quite sure when it might be), all of these things are really getting to me. Winter is over in the blink of an eye, though it seems neverending in the middle of those cold cold weeks when you can't quite get warm and the bedsheets are always freezing cold.

I'm longing for the beach. For the warm sand and the ocean breeze and the sting of just a little too much sun on my skin. I miss my flip flops. I miss coming in out of the heat and drinking a big class of ice water, or sitting outside in the evenings with a beer and some friends.

I want to grill things, open my windows, breath fresh air instead of the stale recycled heat. I want to work in my yard and see the green green grass, or even the dandelions.

I know winter around here is mild with a hint of bitter at the worst. But I'm really not a winter kind of girl. Sure, I welcome the suprise snow storm, but only because it might get me a day off of work. What I really love is the heat. Though, ask me how I feel in the middle of August, and it may be a different story.

I'm getting the beach early this year, my friends, thanks to my dear generous sister. We are going to Key West. I know little about this place. I also know that people have said it's beautiful country down there, and that Key West is a fun place to go. I was going to tell you what hotel we were going to, but you know, internet safety and all of that. Regardless, I'll get my first beach fix early this year, and since we don't have a major house project this year (due to lack of funds and poor tax return), maybe we'll make it to the beach a little more often.

Who wants to cat sit? Or maybe we'll just take them with us, like you would a dog. I'm rather certain they are part dog anyway.

Sushi and popcorn.

My sister took me out to dinner tonight, for sushi.  It was very yummy.  The problem, though, with sushi is, that while it fills me up immediately, it tends to leave me hungry a couple hours later.  

So I made some popcorn when I got out of the shower.  Better than the Edy's loaded chocolate peanut butter cup ice cream calling to me from the freezer.  It sucks though.  You know how sometimes the kernels don't seem to quite pop all the way?  You, watching tv and not paying attention, grab a few pieces, pop them into your mouth, and you bite down, only to be painful made aware of an unpopped piece.  Or a partially popped piece.  Not pleasant.  Oh well.

I don't know who reads this.

It would be nice to know though. There are things I might like to say, but I'm not sure that I should. Though, most of me really doesn't care anymore.

I have found, as I have gotten older, more mature, busier, what have you, that I don't have time for the bullshit. I really don't. I don't have the patience to smile and nod, and I don't have the energy to keep my mouth shut. I'm really down with honesty. Really down with it. Even if it means hearing things about myself that I don't want to hear. Chances are, I already know most of them, even if I don't tell you or talk about them.

I want full disclosure. I want you to have the guts to say that you don't like me, or that I'm overstepping my bounds, or that you don't want my advice. I want you to tell me that are sorry you asked my opinion, or that you're just plain sick of me, or that you think I'm full of shit.

Ok. So, I'm probably not going to email or walk up to someone and list out my reasons for not liking them, either. Though, at the same time, I'm fiending for the truth. I just don't want to give fuel to the fire, and I'm trying not to be unnecessarily confrontational. Maybe it's better to let things be when it comes to some people. The value of the relationship might not be worth the hassle. But don't sit in my home and purposely exclude me from things. Don't be short with me or ignore me without some explanation. Don't take it out on me that your life sucks. Don't use me up, lie to me, manipulate me, suck me dry and then take your leave.

The fact is, when it comes down to it, I don't need this kind of drama in my life. I know what's going on, and I'm not going to feed into it.

But here's a little truth for you: As much as I don't need it, as relieved as I am to be free of it, it still hurts.